Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
