you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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