in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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