Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
