you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
