In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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