i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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