I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize