I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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