never play flip cup with pint glasses
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you traded sex for a burrito?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
