I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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