I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
