girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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