Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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