it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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