Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bring money and cleavage
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
