dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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