He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
