sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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