everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
