Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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