Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
