I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
