I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
