pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
