Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
