I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
