I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
