my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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