Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
