Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
