I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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