My room smells like vodka and shame
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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