Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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