We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
