Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
