i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
