im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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