the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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