ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
