Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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