I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't notice because vodka
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
