i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
