you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize