Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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