Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
