How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
