By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
