Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
