So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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