I love black thongs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
