Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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