sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
