Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
