in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
