I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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