So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
