So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
