did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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