My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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