i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
