Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
