Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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